6 Months

Tinne asks, what would you do if you had only 6 months to live.

It's the kind of question I ask my self from time to time. (Though I stretch it out to one year.) I use it to keep my priorities in line. And I try to give myself those things and a long, healthy lifespan.

Here are my answers for the moment:

Visit my family, including my 98 year old grandmother. (This is already in the works but it's on the list because I'd better do it before I plan on anything else!)

Tell everyone I love them. Tell everyone Thank You. Rent a sprawling house in a beautiful place and invite all my friends to come. Slowly. Seeing people one-to-one. With small group gatherings here and there. Good food. Bonfires. Howling with wolves. That sort of thing.

Get whatever help I need to be able to make a trip to Tibet. My teacher is on a secluded retreat so I couldn't see him. Carry his tea and meals and leave them outside his hut. Sit. Visit the 6 year old Tibetan nomad child I sponsor. Because of the restrictive political situation, letters to her are hand-carried by visitors once a year. She goes to school near Rinpoche's monastary. Give them both whatever I can in the way of medical, financial and material assistance. Cry a lot. (Joy does that to me. I always think I should have more extensive emotional expression capabilities so that being happy and being sad don't look the same on me. But hey.)

While I'm "in the neighborhood," visit India and attend a teaching by the Karmapa. His bright light reaches us here in America, but until he is free to travel the only way to see him is to travel to him. Say lots and lots of prayers to alway have perfect teachers in all of my lives.

Find a good home for my two cats. This would be, without a doubt the hardest thing for me. Somehow, I trust the people I love would manage when I'm gone. (And most of us would still be talking to each other beyond the veil :) But my cats. It's almost something I can't think about. And the issue does come up because I feel a calling to plan an extended Buddhist retreat in the next few years.

Write a letter, especially to my immediate family, so that everyone knew how really really happy I was in this life. Never being married, not having children, having a brain injury injury that required 7 years in hospital rehabilitation, living with a disability, living on a small income... Those things may be part of the map but they are not the territory. They do not describe me. I LOVE my life!

Right off the top of my head, that's my list. If there are egregious omissions, I may add them to the comments later. The travel plans feel a little exhausting. But I can at least write that letter now. And don't be surprised if you get an invitation to somewhere.

What would you do with 6 months to live?

Comments

[Tinne]

Mahala,
Very nice. I think your last 6 months would be wonderful. I also think that's because you are practicing joy and gratitude in your life right now. Somehow I couldn't think of it the way you did, and I don't know if it's because I can't accept really dying or if I can't accept really living.

[becky]

Oh, how strange, I was thinking of that very topic yesterday (although I think I only gave myself a week). I'm not sure what I'd do. It had definitely occurred to me to tell my friends and family how much I love them. I'd make music with as many people as possible. I'd write and record as much music as possible. I'd hug my kitties a whole bunch. I'll have to think about it some more. It's a great question!

[the girl]

Beautiful. Especially the part about the letter to your family.

[Wendy]

What a beautiful entry Mahala ... your list is wonderful.

[mahala]

Thanks so much to all of you for your comments.

Tinne, I've written snippets about my brain injury here and there. One of it's great gifts is that, in losing everything I also gained life in a way I hadn't held it before. I know that I am alive and that I will one day cease. And I treasure how rare that knowing is. That's why I do exercises like this... From the sound of it, you are in a hard place. I hope you find resolution or freedom soon.

[Carla]

That's a really beautiful way to live.

[Fran]

What an honest post, Mahala. I didn't realize you had been in a rehab situation for years. Write me privately about it--as it definitely seems that you have moved ahead with life. I'm curious if if was the difficulty of the situation and the people on the journey with you during that time that brought you to the happiness you have today.